Preamble

Given that New Zealand is a sparsely-populated country (4.5 million people) over a relatively large area,

Considering that the country boasts multiple points of interest across the land,

Bearing in mind that its British colonial origins evolved, much like the U.S. and Canada, into a car-centric culture with lousy mass transportation,

Holding true that it has a vibrant used car market for long-term travelers, with dedicated websites and trading lots,

Be it resolved that:
a) New Zealand is a DIY country, and that
b) Buying a car or campervan is the most convenient, versatile, and economical way of traveling.

---

“Don’t spend more on a car than you’re willing to lose.”
- New Zealand traveler wisdom.

---

We were told that parked outside of any Auckland hostel would be several cars for sale, just waiting for recent arrivals to claim them. This turned out to be mostly false.

A few Googling minutes at the city’s public library (why is there no other public Wi-Fi in this modern city?) showed the way. Sites like trademe,co.nz and carz.co.nz were popular online markets. But the classifieds at backpackerboard.co.nz is the real treasure bin.

Lots of options, updated daily. A cheap pre-paid mobile plan with 2degrees and we’re shopping.

The candidates

Candidate 1: John

Our first visit was a 1991 Mitsubishi L300 christened John by its owners, a kindly middle-aged couple from the Czech Republic with broken English. They asked us to meet them at the service station where it was getting a mechanical inspection. This already gave us confidence.

It’s a delivery van converted into a mobile home. Wooden boxes for storage could be covered with plywood that hold rectangular cushions that combine into a mattress. A table could be set up inside as a rainy-day dinner venue or poker surface. In the back, a ton of gear: gas cooker, bbq, solar shower, fishing rods, cooler, foldable chairs, aluminum table, tar and poles to be fashioned into a roof.

The inspection produced a clean bill of health, except for a black slick of grease over part of the engine, a sign of an oil leak. The mechanic said this should be no problem, but we would need to top up the oil more frequently. Petr, the Czech man, promptly produced a 2-litre Coke bottle half filled with spare oil.

We liked it right away but remembered another piece of car-buying lore: never buy the first one you see.

Price: NZ$3000

Candidate 2: Boris

This one made us smile. It was spray-painted black and adorned with planets and stars on one side, flowers, mushrooms and suns on the other. On the front, between the headlights, was a winking smiley face.

“Don’t be surprised if people wave at you when you pass by them,” said its owner, a Croatian lady with a heavy English accent and unmistakable hippie demeanour. The inside smelled like incense and Indian fabrics doubled as curtains.

The bed came all the way to the front seats, and it looked comfortable. But it was fixed. Storage was simply stuffing things under the bed. And during the test drive, the engine groaned a little heavier than John.

Price: NZ$3100

Candidate 3: Maria

Maria runs on diesel, a much cheaper fuel in New Zealand. The interior was obviously designed by a neat freak. Plastic Ikea organizing drawers under a corner table. The bed was decent. The engine looked clean and sounded smooth.

Price: NZ$3800

Candidate 4: Matilda

The only non-white candidate, it was a brown Toyota minivan that was gutted and converted. “Look here,” the owner, a young American named Justin  said pointing to a compartment under the dash, between driver and passenger. It was a drink cooler-heater. A push of a button changed the temperature.

“The Japanese are so advanced,” he marveled. “This is from ‘88. We still don’t have anything like this in America.”

The van had glass ceilings that were easily shuttered. “It’s the best for falling asleep under the stars.” and being brown, it doesn’t look like the average campervan. Which means, he claimed, that it could get away with staying overnight in non-camping areas.

While I inspected the engine with Justin, his girlfriend showed Bianca the cooking utensils, storage area, and bedspreads. During the test drive, Justin and I sat up front talking mileage and maintenance, while the girls lounged on the bed recounting travel stories.

Price: $3300

Candidate 5: Nameless dreamy

The final van was our favourite. By far. It was John but customized by a stubborn engineer. A working fridge. An inside gas cooker that could be extended to the outside. Storage boxes that fit together perfectly. Rear speakers. Organizing cubbies in the back. Great condition.

But a lethal price: $NZ5400.

The deliberation

I opened a Google Docs spreadsheet and labeled rows with qualities: price, engine condition, bed, storage, gear, mileage, and so on. Then a column for each van. Features were summed and compared.

Boris was eliminated. Then the beautiful last van. The price was just too much to lose if the van spontaneously broke down, which is a real possibility.

Then Matilda. The glass ceilings are great, but the storage a bummer. To have to pull everything out from below the bed and re-stuff it everyday would quickly get on our nerves.

John vs. Maria. Convenience vs. economy from the diesel. Yes, diesel is cheap. But there’s a catch. Like every government, NZ doesn’t like citizens getting away with playing less. So they tax diesel owners. $40 for every 1000 km. When we did the math, the money spent on fuel would be of little difference between them.

We texted Petr, the Czech who owned John. The van had a slight oil leak that meant more oil topups. So we made an offer: NZ$2800. He called me back. Deal.

The transfer

Changing a car’s owner in New Zealand is so painless that it leaves one in disbelief. That’s all? One is left to wonder.

The new owner fills up a one-page form with personal details and gets it stamped at a post office. The old owner fills in a slip and mails it in.

Done. We were car owners. In New Zealand.

omg omg.

Here he is.