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Note: this post shares advice that is best enjoyed if starting life all over again. Belief in reincarnation is advised.

There’s no shortage of travel blogs that dispense tips on avoiding food poisoning in India. Few are any good. Most advise you to stick to tourist-oriented restaurants, avoid dairy products, and stay away from street food.

Now what’s the fun in that?

The advice below will let you enjoy all flavours of India without having to limit yourself.

Infancy and childhood

Get born into a family that isn’t germophobic
Be exposed to germs from the very beginning, as humans have since the dawn of time. Breastfeed.

Play in the dirt
Put random things in your mouth, bite other children, get licked by dogs.

Don’t take antibiotics for every little infection
Let your immune system learn to fight on its own.

Adolescence and adult life

Eat things off the floor
Make it a 10-second rule.

Eat everything
Get exposed to every flavour, spice, and raw foods that contain bacteria that don’t necessarily lead to poisoning.

Kiss lots of people
It’s a natural immune booster. Also, share cups and utensils.

Don’t disinfect the hamstring curls machine before using it
Your germs are not holier than the germs of other gym members. In fact, they can spot for each other!

Once travelling

Visit as many developing countries as you can
And eat their food. Get exposed to an international selection of antigens.

Brush your teeth with tap water
Ingest tiny, manageable amounts of potentially tainted water. Just enough for your body to identify it and learn to fight it. Put a few drops of tap water in your bottled water.

Start cautiously, progress boldly
Play it safe at first. Eat only at very clean restaurants or those catered to tourists. Give your stomach some days to adapt to the new spices. Gradually frequent spots favoured by locals. Take a chance on one or two grimy joints.

If no illness occurs, go for street food

Congratulations, you are now Delhi Belly-proof.