Words
- by Roberto Rocha
- published from Cambodia
- on 2010.08.31
When beggars say what they think
- Photo by Daniel Grosvenor
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When selling bootleg books didn’t work, the boy turned to begging for food. He looked 12 and was still perfecting his pity pitch.
After four days in Siem Reap (and another week in Sihanoukville), I got used to saying no to child sellers and beggars. I read enough articles to know giving them money does more harm than good:
It encourages them to keep working and begging instead of going to school.
It creates a dependency on tourists for their livelihood.
It undermines the role of parents as caretakers and of NGOs trying to keep them off the street.
It encourages irresponsible parents to stay at home (sometimes drinking) while the child goes out and works.
Worst of all, it robs a child of her childhood.
My girlfriend Bianca, however, let he compassion speak louder than reason. When the boy said he was hungry, she offered to buy him lunch and eat with us on our restaurant table.
It was too late for me to protest. She was already going over menu choices with the boy. All I could do was limit how much we’d spend. No more than $1, I said. Enough for a generous portion of fried rice.
As he ate, Bianca asked him questions about his life. I welcomed this idea. It would be an opportunity for empathy-building, a way to learn more about the people we sadly learn to regard as travel annoyances.
He said he needs money to buy powdered milk for his baby sister. This set off alarms, since I had heard this from other beggars, including a woman carrying her baby.
Traveling in Cambodia, you learn quickly that Cambodians are great imitators but lousy innovators. If something works for one person, you can be sure many more will do the same.
For proof, compare the menus of any three restaurants in Siem Reap. Listen to the sales pitches of souvenir sellers. Notice how every street corner has a “Dr. Fish Massage” tank full of little fish that eat dead skin off your legs. Half of them offer a free beer with the $2 service.
The boy said his father lost his legs to landmines. He kept going, and it all started to sound a little too tragic. Instead of sympathy, I felt suspicion. This kid was combining several pity ingredients in a clumsy way. As a result, I wasn’t believing a word of it.
Then what I feared happened. Two other boys, who evidently witnessed our charity, entered the restaurant. One of them asked for a plate of fried rice while the other looked on. These kids usually move on after three “no, thanks” but this one would not budge.
And this is what I hated the most: I had to be a hard ass with the kid. I had to look at him sternly in the eye and say, “I said no. That’s final.”
As we got us and left our table, the boy’s eyes followed me with a load of rage I had never seen in this country of meek and deferential people.
“You stingy,” he spat.
It’s a lousy thing to hear, especially after buying one of his comrades lunch. And it exposed the third world beggar’s logic, which is so often kept veiled behind so many Have a nice day’s and Thank you sir’s.
And that logic is this: if you have the money to travel this far from home, you have the money to buy me food. You have the money to buy all of us food. So why don’t you?
Never mind that I worked hard for three years to save money for this trip. Never mind that I chose this country precisely because it’s cheap and I’m not rich. Never mind that I’m helping his countrymen by just being here, injecting money into their economy and creating jobs in tourism.
The boy was simply saying what most beggars think all the time, whether it’s true or not.
And that’s a hard but necessary truth to swallow no matter what comforts our faith in tourism dollars may provide.
Comments
I’ve still not figured out which is hardest, giving (in) or not giving to beggars. I prefer to encourage a business relationship by buying something I would use, such as tissues, even if I have to hand out the commodity in the first place. A comfortable delusion on my part I’m sure, but you can’t say no all the time without feeling like a monster.
Shane, I disagree that you can’t say no all the time without feeling like a monster. Make a contribution to a charity that helps out street people/street children. Then you can politely say “no” every single time with a completely clean conscience. That’s what I do.
What seems inhuman to me is ignoring or pretending not to notice beggars. When I pass them in the street I always make a point to look them in the eye and smile, and then, if they ask me for money, politely say “no, sorry”. I would feel guilty if I didn’t – it’s important to me that I acknowledge them as fellow human beings who deserve my respect and kindness.
Thought-provoking post, RobRoc. Don’t you find Montreal provides us with better training for saying “no” to street beggars than most rich world cities do? I’ve grown so accustomed to turning down beggars while walking around Montreal, I have absolutely no problem doing the same thing in my travels.
I’m with you on the respect to fellow human beings. Most, though certainly not all, child beggars are generally polite and if I’m sat down somewhere are happy to stick around and have a normal conversation or a bit of fun after I’ve refused them money.
I don’t often give money for nothing to beggars now, for the reasons given at the beginning of the article but, clean conscience or not, it’s still not easy. Maybe I should move to Montreal (or back to London)?
Saying ‘hello’ and smiling at beggars must take a good measure of compassion and persistence.
There are beggars and sellers in Cambodia that sound like robots. When you try to engage them in conversation, they look confused and just repeat the same platitudes.
So it’s easy to overlook their humanity because they also regard you as a walking dollar sign.
I loved the beggars in Cambodia, annoying as they were. At least they made an attempt to learn the language. I met kids who could count 1~10 in ten languages. It sucked when they wouldn’t leave you alone, but from their perspective, they’re making a ton of money. The average salary there is probably less than $5/day, and these kids can probably pull in $10~20, or more if they’re missing a limb. I saw a one-legged kid with a leg up on the rest of Cambodians. We watched from a bar as he would pour on the sob story for passing by western women, who would then hug him and nearly cry, but then give him money for his leg to grow back (?). That kid must be loaded.
After spending some time in Southeast Asia I figured out a way of dealing with begging kiddies that was satisfying to my soul and their brains. I’d teach them something.
I used my background as an English teacher to create little games so kids could repeat parts of the body, counting, colors, names of things around them, etc. If they got it right, they got a high five.
Kids surrounded me wherever I went, as I engaged them and asked them questions in Khmer, or Laotian, or Thai.
I found this method better than rotting kid’s teeth with candy, or creating an air of ’stinginess.’ I just had fun with them. I offered my time, and hopefully, changed a few kids’ ideas of foreigners.
Melissa, that really is a good way of dealing with them. Thanks for sharing.
Quando eu era garoto, certa feita li um cartaz num comércio do interior de sp que dizia : “Menino pidão, adulto ladrão”.
Engraçado que aquilo ficou martelando na minha cabeça um tempão.
Já esqueci muita coisa na minha vida, mas nunca esqueci aquela frase, e sempre que vejo algum garoto pedindo esmola eu lembro dela.
Vou ser franco, países com muita miséria, que tem esse número de pedintes nas ruas ficam fora da minha wishlist. Eu fico mais tempo mal, pensando em injustiça do que curtindo.
É verdade que essas situações mexem com a gente, Dani. E a viagem deixa de ser só um “holiday” – o que é um objetivo mais do que legítimo pra sair de férias – e abre nossos olhos pras coisas que a gente preferia não saber que existe.
Por outro lado, tem muuuita gente que deixa de ir ao RJ e ao Brasil por causa da violência. Eu ouço muito isso quando digo que sou do Brasil. Agora me diz: você não acha que ir ao Rio é uma experiência fantástica e imperdível APESAR do problemaço que é a violência? O Rio têm mais problemas do que metros quadrados, mas quanto mais eu viajo mais eu fico besta com o Rio.
E eu fiquei besta (no bom sentido, e apesar de tudo) com o Camboja.
I hardly drop remarks, however i did some searching and wound up here Child beggars in Cambodia | Mojotrotters.
And I do have some questions for you if it’s allright.
Is it just me or does it give the impression like some of the
responses appear as if they are written by brain dead people?
sites, I’d like to keep up with anything fresh you have to post.
Could you make a list of every one of all your communal pages
like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?
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